On the edge of a perilous precipice…

** NEW – 85 Comments so far! **

Read the children’s first attempts at story writing based on this game.

The children at Walcott & Martin have been enjoying a new iPad project. As part of this special project, groups of children will be writing about a mesmerising fantasy game on the iPad called Sword & Sworcery! Each week the children taking part will be blogging about their experiences. We’d love to hear what you think about their writing!

100 thoughts on “On the edge of a perilous precipice…

  1. In a land of darkness Sally landed on a rocky path. As Sally walked she saw a dog but it was not a normal dog it looked like it was made of blocks. Sally looked all around her but all she could see is the darkness. After a Long walk Sally saw some steps, she went up and saw someone chopping wood. When Sally got there the mysterious man stop and looked at Sally. The darkness around her was too dark for the man to see her but the man was the woodcutter. So he carried on working. Sally walked on the path again until she saw a cave.

    The entrance of the cave was dark and gloomy. Sally was a bit scared but she walked in and waited. The cave was dark that Sally couldn’t see anything. The cave was a gigantic cave. The walls were winkle like a old granny hand. The path was as narrow as timberland road. When Sally went up these steps she saw a statue. It looked like a prince. Sally saw the end of the cave.

    By Milly

    1. Great effort Milly! 2tp. I like that you have used a range of adjectives to describe Scythia! Next time, try to make sure that your writing is in the past tense. (is – should be – was) Also, think about setting the scene, before you introduce characters. Your first paragraph could just be a description of this fantasy land.

    2. Some nice ideas Milly. I think you could improve it with some powerful verbs. You could have described how she walked for example.

    3. We’ll done Milly, a very well written story but the description could of been a little more explained. Excellent. From Nell

  2. Once upon a time there was a girl called Scythian she was on a quest to find a man to kill. Scythian was a knight she had a guard dog to fight beside her. One strange day when she was at the start of the quest, she magically spawned at the edge of a precipice.

    Scythian said to herself where am I so she wondered and wondered where she was but then she found out she was in her quest to kill a man. Scythian has never been on dangerous quest before the only quest she has been on is to kidnap someone. Scythian walked on to found that horrible man a few moments later Scythian found a slobbering beast with the head of a snake and a body of a crocodile. Later on Scythian found a mysterious gate so she slashed it down with her mighty sword. When she trudged through the gate she saw a cottage with a woodcutter next to it. Scythian sneaked up to him and asked him “do you know where to found a horrible man with a reaper mask on” the woodcutter replied “yes of course I with lead you to him” “thank you” Scythian said.

    The woodcutter and Scythian and the Scythians guard dog moved on. They mysteriously found a head of a rock man, Scythian said to himself “this doesn’t look pleasant”.

    By Josh

    1. Excellent first post Josh! 2tp. I can tell that you’ve put a lot of thought into your writing. I like that you have used speech in your story as it helps to bring the characters to life. Try to think about your paragraphs. The first one might describe the setting, the second one might introduce the characters and the last one might introduce the dilemma.

    2. Nice ideas Josh. You could make this better by including some more descriptive language. Re read and look for the places where commas would help the reader.

    3. Great Josh. I like all the good words you have used but you could of put a little bit more discription of the setting. From Milly.

  3. In a land that nobody has heard of, somebody fell from the sky carrying a sword and a shield. As he came down the steps he held up his sword. Eagerly he walked past a farm and that is where he met an adventurous girl, called girl. She quietly said hello, and told him to follow her. She led him to another farm and they saw a woods man called Tom. The girl left him and Tom together.

    Tom, who was carrying a sack of logs on his back, was shuffling his way to some steps and told him to follow him so he did. A great big dog came running towards him, so he got out his sword and fought the fearsome dog and killed him. A dark gloomy cave stood in front of him. Tom pressed a button to make a rainbow. He told Him to hold up my sword so he held it up while think what could it do. The bridge came out of the cave. He went across It and ended up in the cave.

    By Hattie

    1. Wow! Well done Hattie! 2tp. I like that you have used adverbs like ‘eagerly’ and ‘quietly’ in your writing. I also like the descriptive phrases that you used, such as ‘in a land that no-one has heard of.’ This is very powerful! Next time, try to build on these descriptions by creating a full paragraph to describe the setting before you introduce characters.

    2. I like your descriptions Hattie. Have a look at the sentence about the dog, it needs to be punctuated differently to make sense.

    3. Try not to muddle capitals in the wrong places. Try to keep it all him, he, she or I, my, we. I like the rest of it though. From Hattie

    4. I like your story opening, it would certainly make the reader want to read on.
      You could have described the person who had fallen from the sky and maybe used some speech.

  4. Once in a land called Scythian there was a young girl called Emily. One day she met a dog called rusty. Rusty ran away and Emily shouted come back but it kept on running so Emily ran after him. She found herself In a large forest with tweeting birds and unknown beasts she kept on following the dog and found a woodcutter. The woodcutter noticed her and started talking. She told him that she had just followed a dog through a large steel gate and she needed help so the woodcutter agreed to help and walked with her along the stoney path. Later that day Emily came against a beast and had to fight it or else it would eat her friends. So she went up to the beast and chopped off its legs the beast let out a deafening roar. Emily and her friends covered their ears so she wouldn’t get deafened.

    As she walked on she noticed a gigantic stone in the shape of a head but it was a dead end. She thought about how to open it she recognised a beautiful rainbow with all the colours you could think of. She looked for the other side of the rainbow and put her sword up then the mouth opened with a klank and a path appeared. As she walked in she was faced by a winding maze. As she walked around the maze she found her self out side the maze. She was so amased to find her self compleeting the maze, so she jumped into the air with a cheer.

    By Sam

    1. This is an excellent first post Sam! 2tp. I’m impressed! I like that you have included some interesting descriptions to describe the things (nouns) the Scythian encountered on her journey. Try to think about your organisation. Your first paragraph should be a description of the setting. The second might be about the introduction of the main character. Finally, remember to use speech marks when characters are speaking.

  5. It all began when I fell in a lost world I didn’t know where to go but then I saw a strange creature. I was cautious when I saw it because it came and I think it tried to tell me to follow it. So I did and that’s how the quest began.

    Well I went into this kind of land of the lost so I followed the kind of dog and it led me to a girl in a field, full of sheep and she just sat on a brick and she told me her name was girl. She said she lived on her own, so I asked her if she wanted to come with me and dog ,but she said that she had to look after her sheep. So I said that’s ok so we caried on our quest. We found loads of wood just piled up in a big mess, a man came out of a kind of cottage, he said hello can I ofer you some wood. I said no thank you I asked him if he wanted to come with us on our quest he said yes and he didn’t follow dog so I was assuming that he knew where he was going so I came to a kind of wolf. I was fighting it and fighting it and eventualy killed it. So we stopped at a kind of cave so I went into a door and it led me to another door.

    By Annabel

    1. Great effort Annabel! 2tp. I can tell that you have put a lot of effort into your writing. You have used some good adjectives. Next time, try to write in the third person for a story (Scythian, she, her). Try to read through your sentences and check your punctuation. Sometimes you have used commas instead of full stops.

  6. Once upon a time in a mythical place called Scythian lived an adventures women called Linda . The strange but clever girl approached an old friendly man wishing she could help him. Like a tambourine, the clever man was saying “help me help me!” Scared by what he was saying, she slowly tiptoed to the screaming man. All of a sudden, this dog barked and followed me. “There is a evil women called girl who lives in the dangerous mountains. And again the dog barked so eventually I followed him along this path to find another man. Was he that nasty girl in disguise?

    “You will need this sword i give you. I overheard your conversation with that generous old man but just take it you will need it!” A bit more scared now I wandered up this steep hill. It felt like hours. Out of no where, this object came towards me. It came as quick as a charging bull. I picked up my heavy sword and swiped the strange looking creature. I was shocked. When I was stood in shock the brown dog was barking at me to tell me which way to go. I followed the dog still in shock?

    Eventually, we arrived at this Cliff, not knowing what to do I saw this shape what was the exact shape as my sword. Scared of the outcome I put the rusty sword in the small wood hole. Somehow the rocks moved so I could get across the dangerous cliff. We walked through all these dark passage ways until my mind seemed to freeze.

    By Alex

    1. Well done Alex! 2tp. You have included some interesting descriptions along your quest. I like that you’ve also used some speech. Next time, make sure you keep in the same person throughout (3rd person), sometimes you used the 1st person. Also, try to set the scene with a paragraph to describe this mesmerising land.

  7. Once upon a time in a mystic land there lived a girl called Lucy. She loved exploring and often met people by roaming around. One day she went on a mission because she figured that the land had a dark secret.

    When she reached her first destination, (in a graveyard) she saw a woodcutter chopping some wood so Lucy asked him to guide her to the Mingi taw. On their journey, they found a horrid creature that looked as evil as a devil and as scary as a troll.

    By Leslie

    1. You have got a lot of the ingredients for an excellent story Leslie! 2tp. I like that you used some interesting descriptions (‘dark secret’, horrid) including a simile! Next time try to include a detailed description of the setting for your first paragraph. The final thing is, I know you are a good writer, so keep up the good work 🙂

  8. Once upon a time, a girl called Sophie came to a world of magic to explore. This land that was made up. She started with only a dog but soon had a group of comfort. This land wasn’t ordinary. It was full of danger and wild life. But not in the countryside. It is totally made up. When you get there, you will find 11 sheep just stood eating grass. These animals are not dangerous. They just stand there doing what they do best. So you walk past them and walk deep into the forest. Soon you come to the end of the map so just walk up right to the end.

    Next, you go to another world which is not too different to the other one. Apart from there is a friendly man near the end. He is next to a metal hut and will be chopping wood. After you go past him, he will follow you. But remember, he is helping you. Then again, the world will end. Just walk to the end again and you will change world.

    This world is dangerous. You walk up and the dog and wood cutter stop. You need to fight a wolf. Beware, it can kill you!

    By Jack

    1. We’ll done Jack I enjoyed reading this. You can make it even better by keeping it in past tense. You need to change words like go and stand.

  9. Once up on a time in a mythical place called Scythian, lived a girl. There was a light coming from the sky and then she came to the ground and just started to run around to explore the place where she had landed. She didn’t know what she was going to bump into.

    Later on she saw a man standing with some sheep, then she saw a wood cutter cutting wood and he said “can a wood cutter cut wood”? Suddenly he started showing her the way round Scythian.

    When she came along some stairs she saw that she was trapped by wolves, so she got her sword out and started killing them they didn’t know that they where going to be killed. When she got away from the beasts she came along to a precipice so she put her sword up in the air and a tong came out of a stone face.

    By Richard

  10. It all began when Sapphire, an adventurous girl, went on a dangerous journey to Mingi taw (the two head-shaped Rocky Mountain).The journey began next to a field in the middle of nowhere. Sapphire and a dog Max met a old man on a rock. He said to sapphire and Max that they must save the land from great Evil. Later on Sapphire and Max met a woodsman cutting wood. He said his name was Sam. Sapphire asked and asked the man if he would help them get to Mingi taw. Eventually, Sam gave up, grabbed some food and set off with Sapphire and Max.

    Nearly half way, Sapphire became face to face with a three eyed wolf, fearing for her life she grabbed her sword striked for the heart and it died. Sam, Sapphire and Max carried on their Journey to Mingi taw.

    By Shannon

    1. Very good story Shannon. The description was amazing . I had to read the second paragraph again and in my opinion you’d have to put a little more explanation. Very well done. From Nell

    2. Superb writing Shannon! 2tp. 🙂 I really like that you’ve included many of the features of a good story. Try to make sure that you finish your story in an exciting way. Try to avoid rushing.

  11. One upon a time in a mythacal place called Scythian lived a girl named Sarah. She spawned in the middle of the woods. She was covered in armour she looked like an armadillo. She always made sure she was always behind her dog named Kevin. Kevin had lots of coulerd spots like a Dalmatian. In the second world she meets somebody named log fellow. Log fellow was hairy and old. Sarah always followed log fellow just like she followed Kevin.

    She has a fight with a fury mutt thing. The fury mutt thing ran away in shame and terror. There is a world were there is a statue of a face and you have to put all the clues together to open the mouth and walk in. There is two worlds before the life ending fight…

    By Connor

    1. Excellent description Connor. It made me giggle on the inside but you could of described more of the scene instead of the characters. Very well done. From Nell

    2. Great effort with your first piece of writing Connor! 2hp. 🙂 I like your comparison of the armadillo and the human! Try to include other figurative language, such as metaphors and personification.

  12. Sword & sworcery

    One day lived a young Scythian girl called Scarlet and her dog Joey. Scarlet was a unusual girl, she had no family and seemed to be very intelligent. But one strange day the ground rumbled and she fell out of the sky and was lying there on the ground.

    After she woke up, jumped to her feet and began to explore. On her journey Scarlet came to an unusual field where she met another Scythian girl called Girl. Scarlet seemed puzzled and Girl asked why. Once Scarlet explained, Girl gave her advice which was kind of a puzzle. It took her a long time to find out what the puzzle meant so she carried on exploring. Soon she came to a person called Logfella which showed her the way to the answer to the puzzle. So Scarlet carried on exploring her hard mystery.

    On the way up the ominous stone staircase a blood-thirsty wolf. Like a shooting bullet ,Scarlet swung out her blinding sword and tore his throat open and it let out a painful howl. The wolf was dead. Feeling very proud of herself, Scarlet held her sword and shield high in victory. After the special moment Scarlet came to a awful sinister cave which made her feel brave, so off they went (logfella and Scarlet) searching for more clues. Sooner or later Scarlet found the end of the mystery it seemed to be a man shaped rocky cave…

    By Nell

    1. A very enjoyable piece of writing. I was pleased to see you had included similes. Re read the paragraph about climbing the stairs because I think you need to change the punctuation and add some extra information for it to make sense.

    2. Great effort Nell! 2tp. 🙂 I like your organisation. Next time, you might want to elaborate on your descriptions of the setting. You could do this by having the first paragraph to set the scene.

  13. In a peaceful world with a sweet smell of flowers, no one was safe. This world was hiding a lot of secrets and dangers.

    A Scythian was, determined to find out where most of her people have gone. As she travelled on her adventure, she saw this shepherd called girl in the war-ravaged field with her sheep. When she looked around she glanced at a gate, but it was mysteriously locked. She carried on with her journey, she found a wood chopper called Logfella when she carried on he started following her he wanted to lead her to this certain place. They ended up in a forest it got darker and darker she found her self fighting a a three red eyed wolf luckily she WON! She was making sure nothing will jump out at her (like just now with the wolf).

    By Libby

    1. I really like your first few sentences Libby! 2hp. Next time, try to make your first paragraph a bit longer and set the scene.

    2. Great work, your first two sentences make me want to read on. Next time try and use some more adverbs from Harriet .

  14. At the deserted field in Scythia she saw a wandering girl. The war-ravaged lawn trembled from something not so long past. She walked up to the girl, feeling anxious. Asking her what happened here she told her about a dark power that travelled through these parts of Scythia. Could something ominous happen next? Upon this field an iron-pole gate stood there cavernously hiding something evil.
    She went to a cottage where a wood cutter stood chopping wood. His name was Logfella.

    By Ryan

    1. Well done Ryan! 2hp. I really like the colloquial language (old fashioned) that you have used. Next time try to group your ideas into paragraphs. Maybe set the scene a bit more by having the first paragraph just about the setting.

    2. I really like yours Ryan. I like that you have used a rhetorical question. You have used lots of good wow words such as war-ravaged and deserted. Also, you have used how ‘Girl’ felt. Well done.

      From Lauren

  15. As a beautiful girl strolled to a murky war-ravaged battle zone, she encountered a young girl sheperding a herd of traumatised sheep who stood next to unloveable steel plated gate which guarded a legendary castle. As she talked to the girl she said to her about a mile away you will find a strong brave woodcutter he will show you the way for most of the way. But you have to watch for the strong powerful wolf then she left in a blink of a eye! Then a cloud of thunder start. As she left she told herself it won’t be easy but I will have do it in order to succeed after a little while she was in a weatherd old village that had been there for 1000 years. As she explored she noticed a door was open, as she entered there was a fire going she quickly reacted and scrambled out of the house there was a woodcutter he said don’t be afraid. As they were talking he said I will help you for a while then I will go home they strolled he stopped and she said what.

    Look!! And there stood the wolf the the Shepard told my about I quick pull my sword and a epic battle had began after about 10 minutes I thought I never survive. After I traveled to a cliff face and sign I pulled my sword up and it opened what layed next…

    By Hayden

    1. Wow! Hayden you have thought of lots of good ideas in your writing! 2hp. I particularly like the powerful verbs that you have used and the range of adjectives. Next time, try to use speech marks when a character is speaking. Also try to organise your writing into better sections. For example, your first paragraph might have only described the setting.

    2. Well done good piece of writing. I like how you have described stuff, but it cant make sense of some of it. This is because you’ve put the wrong words in a sentence, and that word is important for it to make sense. So for next time remember to read it back to your self and make sure it makes sense! From Ryan

  16. The Scythian appeared out of a beam of light. As she gazed across a war-ravaged land, a friendly dog suddenly ran to her as if by magic. The sheep peacefully grazed in the field, meanwhile an unusual girl stood watching them which roams the land. Who was she? It turns out that her name was girl a very unwelcoming name I know but I don’t make the rules. On rock a large mysterious gate with iron bars and a patterned symbol carved on top of the gate. What did it mean?

    As the Scythian carried on in her woeful journey, she found a cottage and a well. Inside the cottage was a lit fire therefor that meant someone had been there before her…

    By Holly

    1. Well done! I realy like you first sentence. I like the way you used a cliff hanger at the end. Next time try and use more adjectives. From Hattie

    2. Well done holly! Make sure when it’s in the third person it’s she, her, him and instead of ‘top’ think of more exciting word.
      From Libby. 🙂

    3. Great opener Holly! 🙂 2hp. Next time, try to group the parts of your story into paragraphs. You could describe the setting in your first paragraph, then your next paragraph would be about the character.

    4. Loved the use of adjectives and the dramatic story. You could have used a little more description of the scene. From Nell 🙂

  17. In this place called Scythia she saw a shepherd called girl she was very polite to me. She told me about the the cave and what it was she said “it was once a mysterious cave and no one knows about it”
    She wanted to explore.

    Then she found another track it took her to another place in the forest where she had to fight a fearsome war wolf what had 3 eyes and black dirty fur.

    By Ellie-Mae

    1. Great effort Ellie-Mae! 🙂 2hp. Try to include more descriptions of the settings. You could use a simile next time.

  18. In a calm and peaceful city, called Scythia, had a small forest in the centre. Girl, who was a Scythian, liked adventures in damp and dark places.

    She set off on her adventure on a very hot day. She came across a Shepherd. The Shepherd was surrounded by white fluffy sheep that were all hungry for grass. After talking to the Shepard, Girl strolled off following the path that lay ahead thinking what will happen and who will she meet next.

    Girl and her dog found a hut with a skeleton on the top like a warning, but that didn’t stop them from going in. When they got inside all they found was a cosy fire place that warmed the hut up. Above the fire was a clock that looked like it had been worn out a few years ago.”I wonder who lived here,”said Girl to her dog.”If so when did they live here and who with?”

    By Lauren

    1. Instead of saying girl strolled try saying ‘the women known as girl’, but overall it is an excellent bit of writing. By Hayden

    2. Well done Lauren! 2hp. I like that you have used speech in your writing and the organisation seems very good. Next time, try to include more adventurous descriptions such as similes, metaphors or personification. For example, the tree danced elegantly in the wind (personification).

  19. There was a beam of light. Suddenly a Scythian appear in a war-ravage and deserted field full of joyful sheep. In the gloomy mist a young girl stood.
    “Hello” the women said mumbling,”what is your name”?
    “Girl” she said worrying about what and who she was talking too. The women passed with her trustee dog beside her but she was still contemplating who she was and why she was in the field, maybe she was a sheep whisper, or a shepherd…

    As the Scythian headed on her woeful journey, she saw a country cottage beside a well. She thought she could see a pair off tatty shoes… but she headed into the cottage there was a open fire with a hearth around it. Then she headed outside. She saw a man with the tatty shoes. He was a woodcutter which lived in the graceful house. He got his money from cutting trees down and selling them.

    By Billy

    1. Well done Billy!!! Really like the adjectives, remember to put more adjectives in and you repeated tatty shoes. From Holly 🙂

    2. I liked your use of speech in the second paragraph and your choice of words, (trustee dog and contemplating where to go).
      You could have perhaps used other descriptive words as you repeated tatty shoes in your paragraph.

  20. Sally walked into a dark gloomy cave. The walls were just so old and wrinkly like all the other cave she been in. In front of her was a statue and in front of the Statue was the book the wood copper told Sally to get. When she steped forward the statue came to life…

    Sally was shaking with fear. So frighten that she couldn’t think of anything exstep take the book and run. So that’s what sally did. Sally grabed the book and rapidly ran as fast as she could. Sally was terrified. The monster just catch her before she could get away.

    By Milly

  21. once upon a time in a land called Scythian lived a girl.The girl, who was called Lucy, loved to explore.One day she saw a wood cutter that was cutting some wood so she asked him if he could guide her to the gloomy cave behind the mountain because she was on a mission to get the book that had lied in the enchanted cave for over a year .

    As soon as she got into the cave Lucy was getting second thoughts about going in.When she got in the center of the cave she saw a massive statue grasping the book.Creeping as quietly as a mouse,Lucy crept over to the book.As she grasped the book the statue started to move.Even though she was running as fast as she could,
    she was only just out running the creature she made it out of the cave.

    by leslie

  22. the sprite spell.
    Sapphire had just came across a strange man he explained that you must make a sprite appear out of the water because it was a water sprite.You simply form a spell by tap and hold the girl.Wait until the circle fills around you then it tells you to tap a dot and lead it to a glowing circle and then you lead enough one.The next one you have to make a mud sprite appear you hold the girl again and this time you tap and hold on all of the black sheep and then you tap on the middle white one then one the left or the right.Keep on trying there may be dangerous stuff latter but first complete the next one. By Shannon

  23. While she walks through the sinister passage way, she glairs at a structure holding the booklet. Once she takes it from the shadow it creeks and comes to life. It starts chancing her. Running , she thinks where she got in so she can go the same way to get out. Pounding her heart races as well as her legs is the shadow going to catch her?

    By Libby 🙂

  24. Chapter 1

    Once upon a time in a mystic land where the not even the birds felt like tweeting there lived a girl called Lucy. She loved exploring and often met people by roaming around. Her home land was rather big and beautiful.
    One day she went on a mission because she figured that the land had a dark secret.

    When she reached her first destination, (in a graveyard) she saw a woodcutter chopping some wood so Lucy asked him to guide her to the Mingi taw. On their journey, they found a horrid creature that looked as evil as a devil and as scary as a troll and it looked a bit like a dog only very dark. After she had concurred the worlds worst nightmare she went to mingi taw.

    Chapter 2

    As the wind slapped her face, she ventured on into the epic cave.Surprised by the amount of darkness surrounding her,she stared in disbelieve.Trying to seek out some light she started to mutter to herself ” why do I have to do this?” Constantly.As she reached out to grab the mega tome everything seemed silent,creepy and mysterious.knowing that she was in danger,she stared intently.

    Chapter 3

    She had just realised that she had unlocked that certain dark secret…

    By Leslie

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